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Remember the ‘How to trick people in to thinking you’re good looking’ girl? She’s back! Speaking of that video, did you know it got 12 MILLION views and turned blogger/Gogo dancer Jenna Mourey on to a mini-celeb appearing on every TV show in America?! I need to start doing stupid sh*t on the Internet! …..What? ….Oh I mean even stupider than this.

Please someone give her her own show for the love of all that’s sacred and pure in this God forsaken world.

(L)

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Spencer Pratt has a new video out, which is ironically about going to work. Because we all know how hard Spencer works. Is mental abuse a job now? He’s really good at that - in fact, I consider him the CEO.

Anyway, me being a big fan of Cam’ron, I couldn’t help but notice some kind of similarity between Spencer’s choon and Cam’ron’s ‘Oh Boy.’ (below) Now I could be completely wrong, so take a likkle listen and see if you agree? Also I don’t completely hate Spencer’s song, but I also do dislike it somewhat. Indeed.

x(B)

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The good people at Harps decided that one of their ‘family shields’ was the way forward after some neanderthals complained about the current US Weekly cover featuring Elton John, David Furnish and their new babie.

A word from Harps Corporate Executive Assistant Marty Yarborough….

“Every Harps store is equipped with shields. They get put up whenever customers complain about the content of a magazine cover. Several customers had complained about this particular cover. The usage of the shield on this particular cover is in no way our opinion on this issue. We do not have an opinion on this issue.”

Now to quote Pretty Woman:

“Big mistake. Big! …Huge!”

(L)

If I could wolf-whistle, I would. This is about as close to perfection as it gets. No wonder Jessica Alba hasn’t smiled in four years…she hadn’t met this dress yet. Anyway she can feck off. I hate her for having this dress AND those legs and for being invited to the Vogue Paris Dinner at Hotel de la Rocherfoucauld Doudeauville in Paris….hotel de la what now? And there was dinner?!…..

This dress and dinner…two of my favourite things.

Biotch!

(L)

 

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Cath-er-un-ze-tu-jo-ens : I may be massacred for disliking this, but I’ve never been afraid to be massacred. I was massacred once before and sure I’m grand now. (I may have a loose grip on my understanding of the word ‘massacre’ but I’m pretty sure it means ‘being given out to..’) Anyways, I can not love a dress that looks like a mass of rocks covered in fresh moss after a spring rain shower. I am very glad her husband is better though, and she does look pretty. But this is about the dress, and I say no. No to dresses that look like freshly cut grass. Or a mountain range on the Sims. No I say. And I mean it. No to horticultural dresses.

Christina Hendricks : Let’s all preteeend we caaan’t seee her expression. Bad shot, unfair, sex doll, say no more. Okay - the dress shape - wow. The lady bits trying to eat her face? Not so much.

Kelly Brook : No nonononononononononono no. No.

JLo at the after part-ay. - Top half - lovely! Bottom half - homage to the third character in the new movie ‘Black Swan’ - Peach Swan. No.

Elizabeth Moss - This dress appears to accentuate her shoulders and as the owner of broad shoulders myself, allow me to say it needed straps/sleeves of some kind in my humble shouldered opinion.

Natalie Portman - I love that she’s knocked up but it’s no excuse for this. Pregnant ladies have worn dresses four million times nicer than this, which appears to be a scrap of pink satin tied with a gypsy rose.

Paris Hilton : Ah just go home.

Megan Fox : Share Paris’ cab to ‘I’m-so-sexy-town’ and have a great night together.

Jennifer Love Hewitt : You know what, it’s not a horrendous dress, it’s just  more suited to an MGM musical from 1948 or something.

Christina Aguilera : I have given up all hope.

Michelle Williams : I adore Michelle. She is so elegant in a cute way. This dress tried to be the same, but ended up looking like some sort of Drew Barrymore attempt from the 90s.

Halle Berry : Underwear accompanied by silk scarf does not a gown make.

Yer one from Glee : I quite like the colour but there’s around 450 metres too much fabric.

Heidi Klum : If Warehouse Made Red Carpet Dresses.

That is all - how do YOU feel about it?

(B)

Golden Globes time! Below are the dresses I liked and also was unsure about, with the loads of slated ones to follow next - and includes some thoughts of the thinking kind about the dresses and various accessories and suchlike found on heretofore aforementioned red carpet of those globe awardy thingys.

Please add your own thoughts and agree/disagree remarks in the comments section where it is fun to comment.

LET US BEGIN!

THE YES YES YESESSSS!

Scarlett Johansessonesahensnason :  beautiful, stunning, muy eleganto. TAKE THAT Ryan Reynolds.

Sandra Bullock : Okay so she’s NOT having a durty affair with Ryan Reynolds which removes all doubt in my mind that she’s awesome and her dress is amazing, her fringe is a teensy bit too long and the bag is too dark. But still - love.

JLo - Your hair is too tight love. But yes to the rest. Very pretty. Oh wait, no to the bag.

Anne Hathaway :  BAM! I usually am all a bit meh about Anne, but that dress is undeniable!

Sofai Vergara from Modern Family - I think she just learned us on how to wear colour. Shazam.

THE MEBBES

Eva Longoria - I adore the back, and while subdued is a good and unusual look on Eva, it is, as a dress, somewhat boring.

Leighton Meestor : It is quite reminiscent of a duvet cover Ikea had on special offer recently.  But there is something about it I enjoy. I would have preferred a little blingage around the waistband area.

Mila Kunis - this girl is a RIDE in the Black Swan movie, and the shape and ddetail on this dress is fantastic. I imagine, in real life, the colour was astounding, but I can not seem to love it entirely. She’s still a beaut though.

Kyra Sedgwick : Pretty jewellery! Great shape! Peculiar colour.

Angelina Jolie : I like when she wears a bit of colour, and this cut is magnificent on her bod-ay, but this particular colour and the somewhat cheap style of the fabric restores my faith in the fact the Jebus he giveth, Jebus he taketh away.

Mandy Moore : I HATE blue dresses. The only explanation I have for this is that my school uniform was exactly this colour blue and therefore I can not love it on anything else except some form of currency. This shape is flattering,and interesting. But oooh…I’m on the fence.

I won’t however, be on the fence in the next post, which are the ones I dislike quite a lot indeed.

Agree/disagree so far…? Best dressed so far?

(B)

Apologies for the very long absence from the blog - we have both been rather distracted by other things…but very happy to know we were missed! Ah you guuuuuuys!!! xxx

Okay so let’s get started with the BIG news Victoria Beckham has got all pregnantaroonies! Hurrah! I’m oddly delighted with this news - I’m intrigued as to what another of their sprogs will look like as the other three are all so different looking - AND more so - what the hell will they call it! I mean, how do you follow Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz?

Name guess time! I’m thinking Luna for a girl and eh….Ramsay or Galaxy (after Becks’ LA team..) for a boy.

What do you lot think? Prizes for the winner! And you know what that means…Yes. We won’t steal your new Christmas puppy if you get it right! The rest of you…well…

Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! and we hope you had a LOVELY CHRISTMAAAAS!

x(B)

Look, we’ve all been there Cheryl. You forget your dress and end up having to construct something entirely from toilet roll. We understand! And at least your legs don’t look like you bought them this week. As for Dannii; I’m going to Las Vegas early next year - whilst there I shall marry Dannii’s dress at The Little White Chapel.

Sunday’s fashion was misery all round for me. Dresses that tried too hard to do too much all at once and mediocre meh hair was the order of the day. Na, you’re grand.

Jeepers, it’s nearly all over. What the hell will we talk about then??!! (<-actual serious worry)

(L)

Who wins week 9 Saturday?

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No nononononononononononononononono - Taylor Swift and Jake Gylenlenanenhanehanhaal?!? Rumours have been circulating, but now…now…the proof.

NO! No no - I won’t have it. I was okay-ish with the mature but still cute situation of Reese Witherspoon, but the CHILD that is Taylor Swift?!? NO! KANYE WEST - YOU BETTER TYPE UP SOME CAPS TYLE SHIZZLE ABOUT THIS! YOU BETTER COME BACK AND FINISH THE JOB YOU STARTED ON THAT MTV AWARD STAGE ALL THOSE MONTHS AGO. I’m demanding some sort of reparation here people! Give Taylor Swift to the IMF! Ollie Ren might need a new wife! I don’t know - SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!!!

(B)

For a minute there the other day I thought to myself - y’know (B) you’re getting on in days now, maybe it’s time to go to a clinic and get some of that stuff injected in to your face and some of it peeled off etc.

Then I saw this photo of madonna, and am now considering making the above an official charidee. The JSNFWYG campaign. Just say NO to f*ckin wit yo grill. It may seem like a good idea right now - but what if you can’t stop and you end up with a face that resembles that lady in France who had a face transplant after her dog chewed off her visage. Not saying Madonna’s not looking well for her age, but she looked so much better when she was au naturale.

What do you think - would you ever go under the knife/injection?

(B)

You’re right - it’s not real. You can’t really hire Girls Aloud from this Moscow Escort Agency. I know this because at least one of them doesn’t need the money. The girl’s are said to be “laughing it off”. I have a feeling the record company won’t be quite as lenient.

(L)

Look, a blind man could see the flaws in Kerry Katona’s outfit…*coughrankshoescough*…but props to her crops; she actually looks semi-human for a change. The photo call was to promote her 74th reality show: ‘Please never stop looking at me or I’ll die’ …or something. Think she’s admitting the drugs in this one - that sorta alternates between series to keep things fresh. So she had to look all ‘Ooh I’m clean and a new woman’-ish and so off to the gym she trotted. Add a new dress from Littlewoods and shazzam!!!! …she no longer craves the white stuff.

Magik!

Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, what dya make of her gettup?

(L)

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Pat yizzerselves on the back ladies. If you can’t reach I suggest using a household implement such as a wooden spoon, or perhaps a lengthy cucumber. Because clearly Cheryl and Dannii have been reading this blog intently and learning from your fair but firm criticisms. The evidence being that they both looked turbo-minty-whopper-fresh this week. Oh you are wel-cooome!

They even managed to co-ordinate necklines on both nights. Also…who is Dannii’s hair dresser and who do I have to sleep with to have a go? Savage. Like, all the time.

Over to you….

(L)

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I don’t hate Katie Waissel’s new hair, but I hate why she did it. She’s a walking Panto this one. (Oh yes she is!…sorry) I also hate that everyone appears to have fallen for it. Herro? It’s still the same bird underneath the barnet! Get her out!!!!

Well X Factor lot? What do you reckon?

(L)

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This Saturday, like a certain OTHER Ozzy ex-soap star, I was torn. I like Cheryl’s dress. And, believe it or not, I don’t have a huge issue with the fake mop. (Still loath the plum rinse but anyway). But why do her legs always look like she’s wearing ice-skater tights? Is she wearing tights? Or is it a caked-on, Sally Hanson leg spray situation? More than likely… Either way she looks like a mannequin and it kinda freaks me out. Dannii was a big Ridey McRiderson again. I could eat her dress. And where is she getting all these awesome earrings? I don’t wear them, but if I did… 

As for Sunday….ugh…I dispair. Dannii, what are ye playin’ at? Thankfully there are all kind of toilet roll cover, flamenco type references I can make to avoid making the obvious, slightly racist, one. Look, you’ve been pretty consistent up until now so I’ll let you off this once. But consider yourself warned! Cheryl’s dress is almost nice but it didn’t stand a chance against the earrings - surely they’d look better teamed with ‘goin’ ou’ pijamiz’? And I’d like to draw your attention to her feet……. WTF?! Stripper shoes? Just coz she dances loco, it don’t make her…..well…..

(L)

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