So the Beckhams have called their new baba gurl ‘Harper Seven Beckham’. Bless them, they’re not the brightest. Somebody should tell them it’s number FOUR! You have FOUR children. Those other children are only DOLLS, David! They’re NOT REAL!! …Thank God he’s so pretty.
Can’t imagine where else they might have got the number Seven… imaginative/cruel stuff right there. Now Harper, I can live with. Harper Beckham…yeah…nice! But Harper Seven, as B pointed out this morning, sounds like ‘Half past Seven’. Although with their penchant for naming children after the conditions in which they were concieved, maybe there’s something in that…?
Anyway, Howeye Harper Seven! Welcome along.
Cher Lloyd’s debut single has mysteriously leaked all over t’internet. ‘Swagger Jagger’ is due for release this August but you can have a listen here amongst other places. The cynic in me doubts how accidental all of this is, but Cher does seem pretty miffed about it. In the last hour she has tweeted:
“I’ve never been this upset ever!”
“i worked so hard, and people wanna ruin it for me, if you wanted to hurt me you’ve done a great job”
“please don’t do this to me. i wish i was at home with my family, i’ve been through enough this year”
Hmmmm….. Publicity plan? Ragin’ for her if it’s not.
Anyway, whatcha reckon?
I was tempted to just post the picture and say nothing to frighten the bejeezus out of y’all. But I thought I better come clean; they’re not getting back together. They just went to John’s new show together to support him. Ahh! …sad face. (No, not really. What do you take me for?…yeah OK I like Justin Bieber, whatever)
Anyway…let’s survey the damage. And by ‘the damage’ I obviously mean Paul. Time has been a cruel master to our Paul. But at least he still has all of that hair. That’s good…right? As for Jo, or ‘Mum’ as the rest of the band call her, at least she has a smile on her mush for once.
Is it just me who finds this incredibly depressing? I used to think I still had it and was down with the cool kids and their funky grooves maaaan. But now I just think, that’s you L. There you are now.
It has been announced that Amy Adams will play Lois Lane in the new Superman movie; Man of Steel. Rumours have been rife for the past few months about who would land the coveted part. I really thought I’d get it…dammit! Henry Cavill is already confirmed to play Superman…Are you well, Henry? Coz you’re lookin’ well! But all of this is overshadowed for me, by the fact that Kevin RIDEFACE Costner is playing his Dad…HOWEYE KEVIN!!
The good people at Harps decided that one of their ‘family shields’ was the way forward after some neanderthals complained about the current US Weekly cover featuring Elton John, David Furnish and their new babie.
A word from Harps Corporate Executive Assistant Marty Yarborough….
“Every Harps store is equipped with shields. They get put up whenever customers complain about the content of a magazine cover. Several customers had complained about this particular cover. The usage of the shield on this particular cover is in no way our opinion on this issue. We do not have an opinion on this issue.”
Now to quote Pretty Woman:
“Big mistake. Big! …Huge!”
You’re right - it’s not real. You can’t really hire Girls Aloud from this Moscow Escort Agency. I know this because at least one of them doesn’t need the money. The girl’s are said to be “laughing it off”. I have a feeling the record company won’t be quite as lenient.
There’s something very ‘Hollywood’ about a triple-barreled name; Eva Longoria Parker…Sarah Jessica Parker…Sarah Michelle Gellar…Freddie Prince Junior… Now that Eva Longoria’s divorcing Tony Parker she will be about 33% less A-list. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Basketball star here was scoring three pointers into somebody else’s net (sorry) so it gotsta go. But I have compiled a short list of alternatives:
- Eva Longoria Murphy (The Irish option)
- Eva Longoria Shmoria (aren’t rhyming names jaunty?)
- Eva Longoria Longoria? (Easy to remember)
- Eva Longoria McDonalds (I figure she could sell her third name as adspace)
- Eva Longoria CheatingbastardParker (My personal fave)
Eva if you’re reading this, and I know you are, please tick the appropriate box and I will have the paperwork drawn up.
Chop chop, time is money.
Things NOT to do:
1. Throw cats in bins
2. Joke about blowing stuff up on Twitter
3. Admit to penchant for Copper Face Jacks to potential employer
4. Eat yellow snow
5. Wear ‘F*** You’ necklace to meet impressionables.
Good work Riri!
OK I did NOT see this one coming! 50 Cent, AKA Curtis Jackson, is supposedly getting the leg over talk show host Chelsea Handler. (Does anyone else hate the ‘AKA’ thing? You could just write ‘or’ instead -a lot less dramatic, I feel.) Anyway, I don’t know why they’re such an odd couple…they just bloody are right! I mean I hate to stereotype rappers, but Chelsea aint got no acrylic nails up in thur! I mean, she’s not exactly what you’d call ’street’ is she? And as for him, he’s a bit of alright but he wouldn’t exactly be the sharpest tool in the box, would he? And she’s about as quick witted as they come.
Here they are snuggling up in a bar in New Orleans where fiddy was performing an acoustic rap set…that I would like to see! I mean, look, if they are riding it’s kinda awesome. But equally if they’re not and they’re just mates or friends with benefits or whatever…that’s kinda cool too.
I want to be their friend!
There comes a point in plastic surgery where a person goes from Amanda Holden…to Jocelyn Wildenstein. Sharon Osbourne, may I introduce you that point? Sharon..that point…that point…Sharon. I think you guys will get on just fabulously. Or not, as the case may…is. Seriously, any more fillers and your eyes will sink completely into your head. The only saving grace there being that you won’t be able to see your own face. Small mercies, I guess.
..wearing lipstick… as you do. It’s for his new movie ‘This Must Be The Place’ which is being filmed around the corner from where (L) and I live. We didn’t take this photo but we will find him at some point on his visit and make him love us and give us money. It’s just the way we roll with Hollywood people. They love it.
Have you spotted him?
Well….sorta yeah! I see what you’re doing there with your forehead Terri, but the bottom half of your face hasn’t moved properly since World War II. What you’re seeing here is Terri Hatcher’s attempt to prove that she hasn’t had surgery/implants on her face and that she is SO over Botox…hmmmm. But it’s not about her. She did this for us! Let us unite in thanks and praise!
“Thought about all those damn critics of my face. Love it or hate it, my face that is, no surgery, no implants… no matter what ‘they’ say. Decided I’d shoot myself in to reveal some truths about ‘beauty’ and hope it makes you all easier on yourself “
“Did I every toy with fillers or Botox over the years? Yes. Tell me does this look Botoxed to you? Yes I am alone in my bathroom naked in a towel on behalf of women everywhere trying to make a point. Women YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.”
“Just me wanting to teach that all those glam versus trash pictures of celebs are about LIGHTING. It’s not makeup, it’s not surgery or Botox”
So her somewhat misguided attempt to make us feel better about ourselves serves to re-assure women that it has nothing to do with botox…she’s just better than us naturally! Thanks Terri! And fair enough it’s worn off enough to let you move your face for a minute, but it only lasts 3 to 6 months and I don’t hear you saying you’ll never have it again?!
DISCLAIMER: I’m not even against Botox! Just BS!
Why I oughta!!! I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have a major (some would say strange, others would say illegal) obsession with The Bieber. Well, some YOKE threw a bottle and clocked him straight in the noggin at a recent gig. Now I’m only human and yes I laughed at the top of my voice ….but it doesn’t mean I’m not in a fit of rage at somebody attacking my Justin.
Better sleep with one eye open girlfriend!
So it is true!! I was NOT expecting that. Makes sense though, Robbie’s career wasn’t exactly on fire and I guess Take That, like any other band, have to keep shaking things up to stay current. (Mmmm current…I’d love a scone..haven’t had breakfast yet) Particularly after Marky Owen’s morto!!-fication stations earlier this year. Who’d a thunk it eh? Little innocent head on him! ….Why I oughta.
I was always an East 17er growing up and despite a lingering love for the East-end Cream Crackers I’m a big enough person to admit that I was wrong. So here it is on record for the first and last time….. Take That were better. FACT. Looking forward to seeing what they come up with avec Robbie I must say. But I’ll never believe Gary Barlow has anything but pure unadulterated hatred for him! Sorry!
So Cheryl Cole is in hospital with malaria after her holiday to Tanzania went a bit arseways. Bummer dude!
Get well soon ‘n’ shit!