Archive for the "Break Ups" Category

Eva Longoria No Longer Parker

Posted by: Stylebitch (L) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!, gossip
17
Nov

There’s something very ‘Hollywood’ about a triple-barreled name; Eva Longoria Parker…Sarah Jessica Parker…Sarah Michelle Gellar…Freddie Prince Junior… Now that Eva Longoria’s divorcing Tony Parker she will be about 33% less A-list. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Basketball star here was scoring three pointers into somebody else’s net (sorry) so it gotsta go. But I have compiled a short list of alternatives:

  1. Eva Longoria Murphy (The Irish option)
  2. Eva Longoria Shmoria (aren’t rhyming names jaunty?)
  3. Eva Longoria Longoria? (Easy to remember)
  4. Eva Longoria McDonalds (I figure she could sell her third name as adspace)
  5. Eva Longoria CheatingbastardParker (My personal fave)

    Eva if you’re reading this, and I know you are, please tick the appropriate box and I will have the paperwork drawn up.

    Chop chop, time is money.

    (L)

    Chantelle and Preston

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, Watch This!, What's in STUFF!
    13
    Sep

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    Did anyone watch Ultimate Big Brother? yeah - me neither but I did watch the final. I kind of love Chantelle. She seems like such a sweet, harmless thing. I don’t know enough about these two to say as to whether they should get back together or not - but he really seems to love her! WHY CAN’T HE JUST ACCEPT HER FOR WHO SHE IS?!? * sob * (I’m just assuming that’s the reason they’re not together, but I haven’t a clue.)

    Anyone got any thoughts on this, the love story of our time?!?

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    (B)

    Classy guy.

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, OMFG!, What's in GOSSIP!
    2
    Jul

    Listen, I just can’t be dealing with Mel Gibson in general. In every movie he’s in, he does this stupid ‘I’m confused!’ or ’shocked!’ face, mutter and stutter before he speaks. Don’t know what I mean? Just watch ‘What Women Want’ and you’ll see it in FULL FORCE. 

    I think we all know at ths stage that he left his wife for this Oksana one. They had a baby. Now they’ve broken up. He filed a restraining order, so did she, I don’t care who did it first - it wasn’t that interesting. 

    BUT NOW IT IS!!! Oksana has apparently leaked secret recordings of Mel going spare at her over the phone, and they will undoubtedly ruin his face twitchy career. Here’s what he allegedly had to say : 

    “You’re an embarrassment to me. You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.

    “How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so fucking nice.”

    “I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”

    “Look what you did to me… look what you are… look what every part of you is… fucking fake… fucking fake. You are the most synthetic person… who the fuck are you?”

    Oh man he did not bring the N word! Or the fact that how you dress would determine if you were raped or not. But the BEST - the very, very best is : ”I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.” 

    Wow. Mel, SUCH a charmer.

    (B)

    Hands up who saw this coming? You there - with your hands up - problem with lying have we…? Don’t lie. No…in fact, just stop talking. You can’t possibly have seen this coming unless you’re magical, and even if you say you ARE magical - I won’t believe you, so in conclusion, every word out of your mouth is a filthy durty lie.

    Where was I, oh yeah- I for one, did not see a front cover with a new baby in Sandra Bullock’s future for a little bit - but can I get a Hell Yeah! from everyone in the room to the divorce proceedings? If you are, quite rightly, to cool to EVER say Hell Yeah!, then a little yay! will do.

    Here’s more from People magazine. 

    (B)

      ….In private, she was quietly keeping a joyful secret – his name is Louis, and he is her newborn son. 

    “He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.” 

    Bullock, 45, and husband Jesse James, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January but decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars. Their close friends and family – including James’s children Sunny, 6, Jesse Jr., 12, and Chandler, 15 – were essential in keeping the adoption a secret. 

    Then, just 10 days after the March 7 Oscars, Bullock and James separated following reports James had cheated. Bullock says she is now finalizing the adoption as a single parent. 

    Marc and Lorenzo split

    Posted by: Stylebitch (L) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!, gossip
    27
    Apr

    Marc Jacobs and his hubby have split, which is not fantastic news. It is, however, a fantastic excuse to look at this picture. Look at the Marc. Not around the Marc.

    Yes.

    (L)

    Dawn and Lenny split

    Posted by: Stylebitch (L) in Break Ups, Oh no!, What's in GOSSIP!, gossip
    7
    Apr

    This officially goes on the list of things that are not grand. Dawn French and Lenny Henry have decided to go their separate ways after 25 years of marriage. They released a statement to say that they’ve been broken up for the past 6 months but have remained living together “in constant, honest communication” and are still great friends. The pair, who are currently on holiday together with their adopted daughter Billie, survived an affair in 1999 when Lenny was caught throwing a bone to some blonde bird called Merri Cheyne. Of course the papers are now saying that they split because they ‘never recovered’ from that…you know because 11 extra years of marriage is not considered a recovery?!

    Anyway, bummer dudes. But does anyone else have the feeling that’ll it’ll be one of those really super amicable divorces where they still appear in comedy stuff together and make open jokes about the fact that they used to be married? Hope so anyway. Either way, we wish them both well.

    (L)

    ****UPDATE****

    He’s sorry - therefore it’s all OK!

    ….no?

    The vast majority of the allegations reported are untrue and unfounded. Beyond that, I will not dignify these private matters with any further public comment! There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It’s because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way. This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

    WHATEVZ!!!!

    PS: Here is the Klass that is Bombshell…

    (L)

    ************************************************

    NO NO NO! Imagine having the best day ever, winning an Oscar for the Blind Side (watched it the other day, very good!) and then finding out the week after said brilliant day, through the elegance of ‘In Touch’ magazine, that your husband had an 11 month affair while you were away filming the movie which won you the OScar? You’d feel pretty shit! Apparently her husband Jesse James did sexy times with a lovely lady called ‘Bombshell’ McGee. Most demure name of all time.

    When Bombshell asked him about Sandra, he said:

    She doesn’t live here. She has a house in Austin. She is filming, and I can’t talk about it.

    Mmm hmmmmm. You can’t talk about the wife who is raising your step-children with you, who you only recently married, who also just legally adopted your step daughter? Riiight.

    Unfortunately, it seems that something in the milk definitely isn’t clean, as Sandra has pulled out ofg a talk show appearance AND the UK premiere of ‘The Blind Side’. Her rep issued this statement: 

    “Due to unforeseen personal reasons a trip abroad to support The Blindsidehas been deemed impossible at this time. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused and thank you for your continued support of the film.”

    Jesse James - you deserve a whole lot of beatings. By the way, Bombshell nicknamed him the ‘Vanilla Gorilla’ due to the size of his cheating willy. I would suggest removing aforementioned willy with blunt knife. 

    (B)

    Kate & Sam Split

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!
    17
    Mar

    Apologies for the delay in bringing this to you our likkle stylebitching friends, we were out working in the real world today! and by ‘real’, I mean prostitution. Hey. The rent is not going to lie on it’s back and pay itself.  Don’t judge.

    Anyways! Back to Kate Winslet and her husband Sam Mendes. They are no more. Here’s the official statement:

    ‘The split is entirely amicable and is by mutual agreement,’ it said. ‘Both parties are fully committed to the future joint parenting of their children.’

    To be honest, I did not see this one coming. Still waiting for Tom and Katie to de-sham themselves, but Kate and Sam? Never!

    (B)

     

     

    Mwa ha ha ha!

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!
    24
    Feb

    Back in the day, Ryan Philli[lileple left the mother of his two babies, Reese Withoutaspoon, for Australian actress Abbie Cornish. Well, a guess the worm turned, grew worm-teeth and bit the adulterous couple in their weird named asses, because they’ve broken up. AND it gets better, they’re both publicly claiming they dumped the other. I love that. 

     

    First came Abbie and her statement, via her rep to People magazine:

    “Abbie ended the relationship with Ryan and she moved out of their home.”

    Then Ryan released this:

    “Ryan ended the relationship and asked her to move out of his house”

    Love it! That’s like when you’ve blatantly been dumped, but when your friends ask you what happened, you say ‘we both did..’, or ‘I was having doubts myself AAAGES ago..’

    Just say - ‘the b*llox dumped me, but he won’t do better than all of diiiiis’, while making a circular hand motion around your impressive cleavage/ass. Done.

    (B)

    UPDATE **** Official statement released :

    “Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time.

    ‘We have no further comment to make.”

    EXCELLENCE! Of course, it’s devastating, but SO glad she’s finally dumping his sorry ass. Oooh, wonder who she’ll hook up with next..? (I know there are reports she’s with that dancer dude, but I don’t think he plays on the same team if ye git meh…) Any suggestions as to who could be Cherdyl’s perfect match?!?…(after she takes some time out for her lovely self, of course…)

    (B)

    **************

    Cheryl TWEEDY (Ahh…that felt good) is in Hollywood this week recording some music to mime to at a later date and is also having a few ickle meeshings with lawyers of the d.i.v.o.r.c.e. kind. RESULT! Expect an official statement from her camp in the next week or so. Speaking of camp, Ashley ‘The Pr*ck’ Cole is said to be devestayra altogether about losing his wife…to the point where he’s been sobbing down the phone to one of the birds he porked behind her back…nice work. Is there no beginning to this man’s intelligence?

    Now Cheryl, all that’s left to fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for is ,,,the gaf!

    Bonne chance ma petite popstar!

    (L)

     

    The saga continues

    Posted by: Stylebitch (L) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!, gossip
    3
    Feb

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    Here’s Peter Andre breaking down live on TV when questioned about his children. As a person who comes from a family that broke down, I can’t even describe how wrong I think it is to allow all of this to be dragged through the media. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    (L)

    Part 2473 of the saga….

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!
    28
    Jan

    Yeah, apparently they broke up… again. He’s getting back with Jen. They’re splitting up the kids, like eh… one adopted for you, one bioligical for me, one adopted for you, one bioligical for me, now..heads or tails? 

    Anywayyyy. It’s all over de meejia that the be-goateed Brad has had ‘enough’ of the evil one, and told her she needs ‘psychiatric help.’ He’s also allegedly bought a new house and moved out of the family home. She says he’s ‘boring’. I think it’s a whole load of baloney, and a lot of this comes down to the plain old fact that the world and it’s mother wants him to dump the HOTNESS of Angie for the golden goodness of Jen, because that means the world is a good place, right? 

    That’s just my thinking on this whole break up thing anyway, what’s yours?

    (B)

    * P.S if they have broken up, I blame the beard.

    Rihanna speaks - Part 2

    Posted by: Stylebitch (L) in Break Ups, Oh no!, What's in GOSSIP!, gossip
    7
    Nov

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    Part 2 of that interview. Not easy listening folks!

    And if anyone’s interested in what f*ckwit has to say, here’s his MTV interview this week…

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    As difficult as it was to listen to the appalling grammer of the presenter (pet peeve of mine), I must say I’m impressed with MTV’s handling of this. They didn’t just give him a opportunity to tell his story, they put it in context. They were obviously quite aware of the risk of appearing to be ‘on his side’ and also of the influence their broadcast could have on youngins. Asking what his advice to a woman in an abusive relationship would be was a stroke of genius also. Now if they’d only start PLAYING SOME F*CKING MUSIC FROM TIME TO TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

    (L)

    Update on Chav-town.

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!
    15
    Oct

    Yeah I know, here I am typing about these chavvy heads, when in reality I just want to take my big Jason Donovan pillow and put it over their faces. Sorry.

    However, this is getting nice and juicy now, as Jordan says that Peter told Alex he was going to break his legs! I would pay GOOD money to watch that. In fact, I’d pay over the odds to watch them all break each other’s legs, just fighting in a big cage with broken legs trying to reach the other person to break their legs, crawling along with their half-pipe/baseball bat or whatever weapons pikeys are using these days. Hurleys. Whatever. Then when all their legs were broken, I’d take the children and give them to Ellen DeGeneres. 

    Anyway here’s the sketch: Jordan wouldn’t let Peter talk to his kids. Alex came on the phone and said he was ‘the man of the house now’ and Peter couldn’t talk to them. Peter said he was going to ‘break his legs’. Alex said he was going to ’sort him out.’

    THEN Jordan went to the press and said : ”Pete said, “I’m gonna break your f***ing legs  -  watch your back”. Alex is a gentle guy and Pete is not the sweet guy he always portrays.’ 

    ‘His true colours are starting to come out, thank God.’

    THEN Peter went on ‘This Morning’ and said : ’The bottom line is, for five days I was not allowed to speak to me kids. 

    ‘Anyone close to me knows that, I couldn’t speak to them and then the night before last I got on the phone saying “I want to speak to my kids” and I was handed the phone to this man who said “he’s the man of the house now” and he refused me to speak to my children. 

    ‘Now, I’m not perfect, I am human, I am a father and I don’t know any father that would not react to some man saying ‘no, you’re not speaking to them’ and I lost my temper. I admit it.”
     I’m tired of it, I just want to move on in every sense of the word. The kids are my life, I don’t care about anything else but them - I’ve said that a million times, and everyone knows the only way to push my buttons is not to let me speak to my kids or see them and that’s what’s been happening.’

    THEN after the argument it all appeared on Jordan’s facebook…etc…etc…expect OK! magazine covers in 3…2….

    (B)

    Read more: Daily Mail

     

    Okayyy Lindsay

    Posted by: Stylebitch (B) in Break Ups, What's in GOSSIP!
    13
    Oct

    Yes - that’s why Samantha dumped you. Not because you’re a big ball of insanity, but because Samantha’s family RESENT Samantha’s brilliance and this means that if she goes out with you, they’ll disinherit her from all the monies. That makes sense. 

    Indeed.

    Seriously though - I HATE when families disown their sons for going out with me. It’s kind of a downer. As for the barring orders…

    Any bizarre break up stories amongst you lovely lot? Do share…

    (B)